As I kick off this blog, I’d like to tell you a bit about my faith journey. I hope this post will give you a better sense of who I am and the small role I’m playing in God’s bigger plan. This is my re-conversion story and it’s long-winded, so bear with me! I’m going to break it up into smaller parts so it’s not too dense.

I am what you’d call a “Cradle Catholic”. I was born to a Catholic family and as I grew up, my parents made sure that every good Catholic milestone was achieved. Baptism, check! Reconciliation, check! First Communion, check! Confirmation, check! While I think these Sacraments meant a lot to them, for me they felt like items on a check list to be crossed off. I was totally passive and just accepted them like I would take my vitamins at breakfast, because I had no idea what they really meant but trusted that my parents knew what was best for me. I think many Catholics from my generation experienced this during their childhoods; where the Sacraments and going to Mass were just accepted as a part of life.

During high school, as we began our preparation for the Sacrament of Confirmation, I simply accepted the whole process as something I was supposed to do because my parents told me to. I remember flipping through the pages of a book about several Catholic saints and being told to pick one that I liked. Each saint had a cartoon-like drawing and a 100-word snippet about their life. Every saint’s life story sounded so pristine, fairytale-esque, and unattainable. Needless to say, in reality, many saint’s stories are not rated G. I guess you could say this book was like a Disney version of the saints. I picked one that I thought was "cool enough", but their story from this book did nothing to inspire me. Years later when I researched this saint on my own, I realized she is WAY cooler than I read in that book.

I now know this Sacrament is a HUGE deal, but at the time I didn’t realize it. After my Confirmation, my faith life was a fog. My parents made sure we went to Mass on Sundays and once in a while I prayed to ask God for various things. That was it. I had no idea what a feast day was, what Eucharistic Adoration was, or that there were holy days of obligation. I didn’t really know who the Pope was, other than his name. I didn’t know that outside our little church, people drank wine during the Eucharist! I didn’t know what a mortal or venial sin was. I thought "Catechism" was just Sunday school instead of a beautiful book that helps us to understand the Catholic faith and the Bible. My relationship with God was purely transactional, like He was a magic genie who granted you wishes if you asked the right way or for the right things. I fell into the same mindset that many of my Christian brothers and sisters fall into, where their idea of worship is that God is there to do things for them and mold to their lifestyle; not to be worshipped and allowed to transform them through the Holy Spirit.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m very grateful to my parents for the gift of introducing me to the Catholic faith, but honestly, my faith formation was not the best while growing up. I don’t think this was their fault. I just think their knowledge of the faith was limited and our parish community didn’t have many opportunities for faith formation. During high school, one of my parents decided that going to Mass wasn’t important to them anymore. I remember them telling me, “God will understand why I’m not going. I don’t need to go to a church to prove my devotion to Him.” This sent really mixed signals to us kids. If one parent didn’t want to go, but the other parent forces us to go, then is Mass optional? Does this mean I can put words into God’s mouth and justify my behavior by telling God what to do? I am so grateful that through it all, one of our parents still made us go to church. While it felt like they were forcing it on us at the time, I now realize what an incredible gift and opportunity they were giving us. They were teaching us that, no matter what is going on in your life or how busy you are, you need to make God a priority. No matter how crazy things get in life, He is the one constant that will be there for you. I remember staying out all night at the events after our high school prom each year, only to come home and head straight to morning Mass. There I was in the pew, nodding off with my makeup still on. Curls and bobby pins would be falling out everywhere.

When I graduated high school, I felt like I knew all there was to know about the Catholic Church and there wasn’t anything else worth knowing. Thankfully, I was raised in a home that taught us good values like strong work ethic, integrity, respecting your elders, etc., even though I didn't have a strong faith yet. I strived to be good, knowing generally that God would want me to be a good person, and that seemed to keep me out of trouble. Yet, there was a constant thirst and ache for deeper meaning in my life. With college coming soon, I thought I’d “figure things out” when I got there. I couldn’t be more wrong.

Go here for part 2!