When I began my internship, some odd things began to happen. From high school graduation up until that point, I had rarely gone to Mass. I only allowed God into my life when and if it was convenient and comfortable for me. Suddenly, He was making things way too easy for me to say "yes" to Him. I found it strikingly odd, and the timing couldn't be more bizarre as a brother of mine had recently given his life to Christ in joining the Jesuits as a seminarian. When I arrived at my internship, I found out the organization was housed inside an old Jesuit Seminary! Within our building, a common gathering space was in a former prayer chapel! I'd sometimes sneak in there and bask in the quiet and beautiful glow of the old stained glass windows. I'd feel His presence there, even though the Altar had been removed and there weren't any religious statues or a Crucifix. A bust of Shakespeare sat where the crucifix should have been. Just a few steps from my workplace was a parish where they celebrated daily Mass exactly when my lunch hour started. “Okay, God”, I thought. “I get it. I need you. It’s time I let you work on my broken life instead of me trying to fix everything on my own.” I began going to daily Mass and within the next seven months, my faith and my life changed dramatically.
During my time on the east coast, there was a presidential election and I was not far from D.C. For the first time in my life, I actually cared about the big issues and really looked into each of them, discerning how I really felt and what I believed about each one. Suddenly, I began asking, “What does the Catholic Church teach about this?” I diligently searched for answers to questions I had wanted to know for years, but never had the courage or desire to seek out. Pretty soon, I began changing my convictions on a lot of things after seeing that the very logical and reasonable answers the Catholic Church had (for many political and social justice issues) made total sense. A lot of Her teachings are actually based on science. I couldn't believe that it was actually a priest who developed the Big Bang Theory! I began to greatly admire how Catholicism is humble, yet bold. It embraces the lessons we learn from history and natural law, and doesn't bend and sway with the changing times. It remains relevant; even in a dramatically changing world. The Church uses natural law and science to support its beautiful teachings. Catholicism holds fast to moral truths and when the whims and superficial ideals of our world come and go, it stands firm. The more I realized this, my purpose and my life goals began to change. I no longer craved success in the big city. I wanted to leave a legacy in a different way; through my family and loved ones. But more important, through my love for Him and how I spend my life serving Him.
It soon occurred to me that I had walked away from a beautiful faith and felt scammed by the counterfeit versions of His love in our culture. When I left the faith after high school, I really had no clue what I was leaving behind. At college, I felt so empowered and concrete in my ideals and convictions, simply because I agreed with the majority of my peers. Social media gives us this sense of security in false truths, simply because we feel we're in the majority of what everyone else thinks or we get swept up in various movementsof group- and trend-think. In reality, I was the victim of this groupthink and the many harmful and fleeting “fad politics” that plague our young people who go off to college. Did I learn a lot in college? Yes. Was I enlightened? Sure. Did I have a lot of phenomenal world experiences that helped me become a well-rounded person? You betcha. But did I learn how to grow in my faith and was I encouraged to do so? Let me think about that for a-NOPE.
As many of you found out from your own college experiences, the secular liberal arts college campus culture is hardly nurturing for a Christian student who takes their faith seriously. In fact, on many campuses, you are shunned if you openly live your Christian faith. As a performing arts major, my fellow peers would have considered me close-minded if I openly lived my faith. At that time in my life, whenever I came across an enthusiastic Catholic and/or Christian, I automatically felt this way about them, too. Deep down, I envied them and knew they were made of much truer stuff than I was. They were letting God shape them. They weren't keeping God hidden and only letting Him come out when it was "safe". They weren't stuffing God into a mold and fitting Him into their life wherever they could find room like I was. They were letting Him consume them and transform them to make the world around them into a better place. I remember asking myself, "What are they seeing that I'm not seeing? I don't get it."
Now, please don’t think I am saying that it is a college’s total responsibility to grow and cultivate one's faith. If it were a Catholic college? Then, yes, absolutely. I went to a public university, so it was MY responsibility. However, you can see how a strong foundation of faith formation at home and within each parish community is crucial to planting the seed and cultivating the desire within young adults to grow their faith beyond adolescence. Unfortunately, while the seeds were definitely planted and I had some wonderful rolemodels of faith while growing up, being in a rural parish with limited Catechetical opportunities and various other factors led to my lazy and ignorant attititude toward my faith. Thankfully, I opened the doors to God when I did, because if I hadn't, I would not be where I am today. I look back at old journal entries and can clearly see how His healing and guiding hand played an overarching role in everything my life has become. Since then, my faith has continued to grow and I look back in awe at how much He’s changed me for the better.
When I returned home after the completion of my internship, I found myself in another relationship. This time, it was not with a Catholic. But even so, this relationship was a blessing in disguise and helped prepare me for the man God wanted me to marry.
Go here for part 4!
